You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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