my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
