Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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