Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
