is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
