Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
