this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
