Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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