Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize