Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
