she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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