last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
