You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
