i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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