it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Alive.
So much puke
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
