I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
