I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize