this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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