I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
