He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize