my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
