i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
nutella sex= disaster
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
