Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
