this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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