I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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