don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i have two assholes
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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