He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
