I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
