Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
