my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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