Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
