are you so shy because you have an std?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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