I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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