Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I will be naked everywhere
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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