you guys were way drunker than both of me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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