I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
