I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
