Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
