I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize