i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
