Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
