my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
