Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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