Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
