I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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