put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
