wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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