i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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