Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
