I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
