is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
