they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
