Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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