Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i believe in u and ur pee
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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