it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
