YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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