I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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