overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
