I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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