I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
