My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
