I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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