woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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