Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
