In the future we'll all be gay
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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