I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
