Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
