Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
