It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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