Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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