Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
