I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
