Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
