remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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