Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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